When I found out I was pregnant I told him I had no interest in getting married. I told him I would move to Europe and no one in his family would ever have to know but I was having this baby and I was happy about it. I told him that there was no alternative. I knew that if I aborted this baby that I would burn in hell and I told him so. God forgave me once but this life is His and mine.

He has since told me it was at that point that he KNEW he loved me. After our son was born I said "don't even think about asking me until he is at least 6 months old." So on Christmas eve, when our son was only 3 months old he sat me on the couch and began talking, trying to convince me that he wanted to marry me not because we have this perfect boy but because.... I drifted into meditation at that point.

I began repeating a simple plea (at the time I didn't realize I was praying) "Answer for me. Answer for me. Answer for me. Answer for me. Answer for me. Answer for me. Answer for me. Answer for me. Answer for me. Answer for me. Answer for me. Answer for me. Answer for me. Answer for me. Answer for me. Answer for me. Answer for me. Answer for me. Answer for me. Answer for me. Answer for me. Answer for me. Answer for me. Answer for me. Answer for me. Answer ..." his pause indicated a response was required and to my dismay I said "yes". I said "yes" to the boy I was certain I would not marry. I said yes to the man I wasn't sure I loved. I figured I could back out but by January we were head to Columbus with our new baby and a wad of cash for a ring.

We went to pawn shops and mall jewelry stores in the sketchy parts of town. If I was going to do this I wanted a ring with character and perhaps a great story to go along. We found something really sparkly at the mall and I was hooked. I figured I could still back out, it wasn't like he took a loan out or anything. Anyway, he was getting more and more attractive to me for some odd reason. He didn't feel the need to try to fit into my family. Instead he chose to listen. I was so falling in love.

We chose April 21st because our son would be a full fledged 6 months old by then. I had no interest in the whole tradition or cultural norms. Frankly, by March I decided that I had fallen madly, deeply in love with this brilliant and magnificent man and wanted this exchange to be just for and between us. I wanted it to be our very own - no guests just his step-dad/former pastor making it legit.

Well, my rents, his rents, his grand-rents and his twin were not pleased with that idea. So I acquiesced...to some degree. I asked my sister, Esther if she would be my main lady (whatever it's called) and my soul sister, Nik to be the other chick. When they asked what they should wear I said "I don't care - be comfortable." My rents came to St. Louis for the event which was when I bought some candles for the patio. I made my Love and his twin move a tree in the backyard - more for kicks (to see if they would actually do it.) than anything.

My Aunt Gelly insisted that I have flowers and gave my mom the cash. I told her I could use the cash - but mom insisted that she have a picture to show Aunt Gelly. So I took the loot, went to the grocery store and purchased the closest thing to weeds I could find. My lil sis tried to insist that I wear some blue garter thing to which I relied "I will wear nothing under this dress and that is final."

We got a tiny tuxedo for our large-headed fella and next thing I know I am asking Esther to properly apply a false eyelash while I drink a glass of champagne. A few moments later I headed up the patio walkway with dad and the jig was up. Only about 15 or 20 people there - Baal couldn't make it. I fought back tears as I looked at my handsome King. When the big show was over, we took our boy and walked back down that patio together as a family. The family God chose to be together.

When I think back I understand that our first son was mandatory. Not to only save me, but to save us and not just to save but to do some remarkable work for God. God needs this boy. And when I think about the last 9 and a half years with my husband I think I was a toad. I have found everyday with him to be nothing I'd imagined and a thousand times more than I had ever hoped for myself. I am certain without any doubt that my Papa selected us for each other. I have more than I could ever need, want, or desire in this man. When He answered for me, he showered a blessing on me that I am still in awe of and still utterly undeserving of. My respect for my husband only grows and my shock in what God can do lingers to this day.

Papa we are close to celebrating a decade of joy. Thank you for this life. Thank you for these men that you gave me to fill in my heart. Thank you for proving you are real through them. Thank you for allowing me to experience joy. Please make a way for us to spend our anniversary in Italy. We want to see the image of your finger touching Adam's on that great ceiling. I know it is frivolous, I know that there is no way we can conjure up nine grand in 6 months - but I know you can. I know this is our desire and it's a silly request even. But when E, the man who hates to fly, said "I want to go to Europe for our anniversary." it was too out of character for You not to be in it. And so if you are in it and if you so chose, make a way.

I love you Papa. Thank you for a week of rest. Please help me get back to work with a crown of wisdom and understanding. Help me to wait, to be informed and to represent you in all I do. In your Son's precious name I pray! Amen.