Doomtastic to Bombastic - or Beauty from Ashes

I never imagined that I would get to be the recipient of something so remarkable. My eldest sister (we'll call her Esther), a pretty decent Catholic from my view anyway, was selected from everyone I know by God. he chose her to bring me wisdom and guidance. I called her after making the same mistake (AGAIN) of calling my other sister (we'll call her Baal) to inform of my impending doomtastic weekend encounter.

Baal speaks through the spirit of confusion, apathy, and the mystical. My discussion with her yielded only fervent prayer on her behalf that she be free from herself. Oh and it also yielded familiar frustration. So after the call, I told my Love and he said "Yeah - I would probably always call Esther first, if I were you". Agreed. Well, better late than early, I guess - so I went ahead and placed that call to Esther.

I read to her what I wanted to say to the parents. And when I was finished she spoke with such care for me and for them "You know, some people change and some don't. You may want to think about maybe talking to him first. Plus you'll get the easy one done first." or something like that. then she went on to say something like " I am not so sure you will believe it if she is sincere - I am not sure she is capable of facing this - ever."

Almost immediately my paradigm shifted. "Yeah maybe your right - I am not even sure if I am brave enough to face this anyway. So if I am it's probably good to build confidence where I already know there is a willingness." We said our goodbye's and I went to bed. The next day, when I got home from work (I took the long way home - by route of a park where I stopped to pray), the mother was in the yard waving. That same old dread welled up in me and I went into that trance-like state of survival.

She "had to eat" and so we quickly got everyone in the car to go somewhere that we knew would be fast - not good - but fast. As we dined I could feel the web of manipulation choking me. I looked over at the table with a family praying and I as jealous. When I put my head down to pray silently, I couldn't. It was evil prohibiting my communion with God. Now I am not saying SHE is evil but the spirit(s) within her is what I battle. Anyway, when I got home I called my coach. My coach is a prophet, teacher, prayer warrior, therapist and all around super smart, cool chick. And she is also my closest friend. She has been working with me for a little less than 2 years on the healing process.

Coach listened to me about dinner and with no knowledge of my sisters insights she said "Here is what I know. First and foremost, you are to let the Holy Spirit lead your conversation. Second, your Love (husband) is to take authority in Christ and for his home to bind all spirits that are NOT of God. Those spirits may not speak or manifest in any way. Third, you are not to have the discussion with your mom. The timing is wrong. God desires her and if you had the conversation now it may risk the work He wants to do in her. And, you will be further wounded. You ARE however to speak with your Dad. He is ready and you are ready to receive whatever he has to offer. It may not look like you expect - but it will be good. This entire weekend will be good. I know it."

Interesting that she confirmed what my sister said. And sure enough the opportunity presented itself later that night. The mother finally went to bed and I suggested that my dad and I sit on the deck. We talked for hours. Neither of us broke down, we faced so many things it is hard to even remember all of them. It was nothing like what I expected. It was hard, but we were both brave. I was reminded that we each experience things through different filters, that we remember things differently (even if we have witnesses!) and that our words and our actions must be carefully chosen in every situation. I forgave him in advance of him asking for it, because my God was calling me to do so and I told him such. We agreed we knew very little about one another. We agreed that this may help us to change that and I thanked him for this chance. We faced some really hard things, safety, trust, self-control and on and on.

One of the things he shared confirmed what I knew in my heart and what Esther said on the phone. He said "I don't believe you will ever have the chance to discuss this with mom." The words did not sting even a little bit. I knew it and those words told a new story. They meant that I would have to further adjust my paradigm with mom. I would need to allow grace and compassion to overcome disappointment and betrayal.

One really cool thing was when I spoke to Esther she asked my to make a request on her behalf if I had the chance "Ask him why he can't come over for dinner alone? Why does she always have to be with him." I told him and he gave reasoning (excuses) and I told him again. I told him that he doesn't know us and that he gets to choose if he wants to. If he wanted to he could figure out a way. He finally said "I didn't know and now that I do I will make a concerted effort to do that." He even came up with a strategy.

At 2am after holding it for an hour I said "I have to use the bathroom. Let's go inside." When I came out he was already upstairs going to bed and I was glad we didn't have to do any cliche hugging stuff. I went to bed, bound those spirits and thanked God for this work. The rest of the weekend was fine. I resolved to try to figure out how to love mom. The more I thought about the experience with my dad the more I thought about Esther. I remember times when i have been used by God and I remember how profound and meaningful it was for me. I remember feeling honored that He chose me. I recall the thrill that He trusted me. Esther needed to know that she impacted history by allowing God to use her.

I called her after they left told her those things and thanked her for her counsel. Beauty from ashes.

To the sole knower of this blog I am so deeply moved and grateful for the care and prayer and confidences that your have honored me with this week. From the start, the song and the words and they prayer allowed room for strength and courage that I wasn't convinced I had. Thank you and thank you infinity. I love you very much and love to yours as well. May you be abundantly blessed for your free giving to me. And one more thing - who sings that song and what is it? Must have - stat!

Thanks Papa for all of this I love you.