WorshipFULL

And so I started this blog as a sort of fast/praise/journey of this unique project for work and God/discovery process/documentation of events. It has been all of those things and more. It seems God used this to connect me to one I am to connect with and today my heart aches for this very one. In fact my heart has been aching for weeks for reasons both apparent and absent of cognitive understanding.

I have not had the God-filter I have grown accustomed to since our return from the Rockies. In that time the project which inspired this blog was pulled. At the hour in which it was being uploaded to print, the "client" decided it was too risky and pulled it. The after-effects for those involved has been very much like a grieving process. People put themselves, their heart, their gifts, their faith and their hope into this work. They gave up weekends, they sacrificed and without warning their work was abandoned and disrespected. Clearly, I felt the loss too. It is done and I am certain God has a very "good for all of us" reason behind the decision.

I was left evaluating my character - a challenge indeed when anger and hurt dominate the mind. I really wanted to project grace and rise above the negative into understanding and wisdom. Two weeks later I found myself ...still pissed. Two weeks and two days later, in my frustration and confusion and with His help I was able to break through to my God-filter. He showed me that the enemy wanted me to stay mad. The enemy wanted me to believe my character has not changed, that I may as well just accept murky thoughts and lack of focus. And God told me directly not to wait another minute. In the middle of my workout, I was told to take the authority Jesus gave us when he died to send Satan back to hell. To un-invite and demand satan be evacuated from my mind.

After I followed this direction - it was as if I could see the spirit of confusion take off "like a bat out of hell" and my body fell down and wept. I was able to commune again with my Jesus. I was able to feel his care. And that feeling of safety, concern and love made me feel like a child, like an asshole, like a failure and a success all at once. I felt forgiven...again.

Two weeks and three days later I am sad and tired. And sure enough God used someone that has made a home inside my soul to provide perspective. You know who you are and for whatever reason you are to know that I am with you. In fact I may need to make a trip on Friday, November 7th to see you.

Praises because when I am hurt, when I am angry, when I am hopeFULL, when I am sad, when I am joyFULL, when I am weak, when I am peaceFULL, when I am bitter - I will be faithFULL and praise HIM!!