Friday morning God told me not to gloat and relish in the discomfort of the Source having been trumped. It was as if God said "I know it's natural for you, in your anger to be a little turd. But I love this boy and you treat him with dignity, missy." My morning trip to the Bucks held that thought and it saturated my morning so when the the Source walked into my office with a bit of egg on his face, I was visibly embarrassed. I wanted to show him respect but all I could muster was a couple of red cheeks and the feeling that he knew I was being corrected by God.
The decision as to whether the project was a "go" and whether or not we would get the resources was very close at hand, and it was looking really good. Even still, just the day before the project went from dead to life beyond expectation. And so while good at 8am with each hour that passed the odds get worse - if the wind blows all bets are off. The Source could very well be the deliverer of the news. After the obligatory exchange of chit and chat he got to it.
Trying hard to man-up while maintaining some level of ego he said he spoke to the construction guys and told them to make room for my new peeps. Not believing him and feeling the need to protect myself, I took the apathetic stance. "That will be great if it happens, whatever works!"
Essentially, I could not accept the positive decision from him and he could not accept the job of giving it to me. It's funny, really.
When he first showed up the previous Superboss sent The Source my way. Having shared a childhood of Catholicism and arriving in the foreign land of grace, previous Superboss knew we would have a lot to talk about. And so began a fun exchange and enjoyable working relationship. For the first year or two he was here, The Source shared frustrations while I shared exasperations. It was lovely. And then something changed.
Well for me it was only everything. God decided that me and my family experience a miracle. And through the miracle He would transform a bunch of hideous rocks in the garden of my mind and soul into lush, ready soil. It really had nothing to do with The Source but I suddenly found myself quite absorbed in something quite different.
With those changes, a different view of the Source's behavior emerged and I didn't like it very much. I experienced multiple examples of betrayal of trust. What was fun and frank, turned distorted and misused. No doubt I committed my own series of crimes, too. Either way I just so hated it when he was an asshole- uniformed, know it all. How's that for grace? The decision as to whether the project was a "go" and whether or not we would get the resources was very close at hand, and it was looking really good. Even still, just the day before the project went from dead to life beyond expectation. And so while good at 8am with each hour that passed the odds get worse - if the wind blows all bets are off. The Source could very well be the deliverer of the news. After the obligatory exchange of chit and chat he got to it.
Trying hard to man-up while maintaining some level of ego he said he spoke to the construction guys and told them to make room for my new peeps. Not believing him and feeling the need to protect myself, I took the apathetic stance. "That will be great if it happens, whatever works!"
Essentially, I could not accept the positive decision from him and he could not accept the job of giving it to me. It's funny, really.
When he first showed up the previous Superboss sent The Source my way. Having shared a childhood of Catholicism and arriving in the foreign land of grace, previous Superboss knew we would have a lot to talk about. And so began a fun exchange and enjoyable working relationship. For the first year or two he was here, The Source shared frustrations while I shared exasperations. It was lovely. And then something changed.
Well for me it was only everything. God decided that me and my family experience a miracle. And through the miracle He would transform a bunch of hideous rocks in the garden of my mind and soul into lush, ready soil. It really had nothing to do with The Source but I suddenly found myself quite absorbed in something quite different.
So I sit here on Monday, having decided that this blog would become not only my tithe but my fast and I have no formal decision. Doesn't matter though - there are more important things at stake. I can see right through my words here and into a new view of me and The Source. Both are deliciously busted and equally exquisite.
Maybe I'll get the real answer tomorrow.
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