My husband's parents divorced when he was in the first grade. From what I understand his Dad was a school administrator and his Mom was a teacher. His Dad was cheating with his Secretary that his Mom often confided in at times. After the divorce Dad and secretary got married and have been together ever since. Mom remarried a former pastor from church and have been together ever since and even added a son to the brood.
Plenty of drama around custody lasted for years and as a result the boys (my husband is a twin) spent their life mainly with Mom. Every time the boys would leave for their 6 weeks in the Summer with Dad, Mom would cry. Boys hate to see their Mom cry. And so began the manipulation.
As they grew up the challenge to navigate everyone's needs became part of life. Because they spent most of their time with Mom, her feelings were projected onto and into them in many ways and their relationship with Dad was impacted. Often this parlays into rebellion and fights with Dad, but not for them. Instead it manifested into a strange distance between Father and sons.
To me the relationship with their Dad appears kind of awkward and uncomfortable.
Over our marriage both sets of parents have been supportive and kind to us. Both have helped us and cared for us. Both sets are "Christian" and like all of us, do their best to be the people God wants them to be. But their efforts are cloaked with messages of either "I'm a victim - take my side" or "It's her fault because she is so controlling and she gives us no grace or peace." Bitterness is as clear as day to me. And most times when we see them some manifestation of these messages come through in dialog.
Our recent trip to Colorado was no different, but this time it hit a nerve in MY marriage.
While doing my best to find peace in our 4-day "vacation" with Father in law and Step-Mother In-Law in Colorado, I was presented with the traditional dissertation about why my Mother In- Law is evil. Let's give them names. Father-In-Law will be Earl, Step, Mother-In-Law will be Shannon, Mother, In-Law will be Maggie and Step, Father-In-Law will be Dave.
I am going to stop now and write more later on the events later. My love and I decided we need to pray and talk some, first.
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5 comments:
There is nothing better than a good in law story...
It's it funny how as we get older we can look at our parents and see that in all their glory, they are simply human and we see how their humaness shines and reflects through us in good and bads.
Looking forward to more. Looking forward to finding some get together time too. Maybe sometime we could meet in Chicago for a night, it would be halfway. We'll figure it out...when the timing is right.
I like the Chicago idea. Where the heck do you live anyway? I am stirring and getting I believe my spirit is getting more wrestless to get to spend time with you.
Funny..This was the verse that really hit me this morning while I was reading during my "Quiet God time"
Haggai 1:13-16
13 Then Haggai, the LORD's messenger, gave this message of the LORD to the people: "I am with you," declares the LORD. 14 So the LORD stirred up the spirit of Zerubbabel son of Shealtiel, governor of Judah, and the spirit of Joshua son of Jehozadak, the high priest, and the spirit of the whole remnant of the people. They came and began to work on the house of the LORD Almighty, their God,
and then I journaled..."stirred up the spirit" I've never heard it refurred to like that~ I think my spirit has been "stirred".
Funny how those words pop up! I'm in the middle of Illinois, somewhere in the middle of Bloomington and Peoria.
again - another nudge - we are on to something...
even weirder- we have good friends in peoria that I am dying to surprise visit. looks like i will be road trippin.
and that means eric and the boys maybe too - but don't sweat it we'll get a hotel. when is good for you??????
So I am going to need your address. I have the fortune of getting to see all sorts of bands that I think you like. They come to our organization and play right infront of my office. They leave us their upcoming cd's and spend time chatting us up. Chris tomlin was in last week. Do you like him? I have Hello Love and would like to send it to you. Also we have a free table full of treasures like trade samples of books and gift samples, and muisc and kids stuff and curriculum and on and on. Will you send your biz via email?
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